So Long New York

Another year in New York has come and gone, and at the end of it, I left! Unexpected, but when the bell rings… I haven’t posted here, but I have been writing. And rewriting. And, for the first time in my life, submitting! Feels odd that most of my submissions are from a piece of a fragment of a story that I wrote during my first NaNoWriMo attempt, but I felt myself coming back to it again and again as the core of what I wanted to achieve. So, I got an editor, I read How to Self Edit for Fiction Writers and Elements of Style, and went to work. At the end of which, I have a 30 odd page manuscript worth submitting to magazines. It has been odd to realize that, even though much of my retrospection about my childhood and adolescent intrigues as a writer for a lit mag and a literary workshop, I have done altogether no significant reading of zine level fiction reading. In trying to understand what they are looking for, I’ve started reading a few mags that accept online submissions, namely Clarkesworld, SF & F Magazine, Beneath Ceaseless Skies, and Analog Science Fiction and Fact. I also, at Fernanda’s behest, started reading the Drift, and even submitted a flash fiction piece there (which I’ll get back to in a bit).

Before I keep going, I want to note that I am writing this in a short thirty minute period between my morning meetings and an All Hands meeting with the company I work for, to discuss a surprise round of layoffs that just happened. Given the circumstances, everyone in my immediate working group as agreed that it’s OK if very little work gets done today, or tomorrow for that matter. As a result, I find—right as I am trying to use all my free time to finish unpacking——some time to write about all the things I have been meaning to get out of my head for the better part of a year. Just want to note that, in case the pacing of this entry seems to cut off and resume without apparent reason below.

I have been holding my breathe for this move, and fear I’m now only in a temporary bubble of relief, but I am optimistic that within another year, I will be settled into a way of life that is more satisfying than the year or two that are now behind me. How dumb a move it was to move out of Bushwick! Even if the rent there had increased by a thousand dollars, I’d have happily accepted that over the stress and pain endured elsewhere. I’ve always been one to accept change and transience, but even then, constant change needs to be accompanied by some sense of stability, somewhere that feels like my space and my time. I haven’t had either for some time now. And it precisely that condition that I foresee changing in the coming months. Maybe most easily exemplified by the fact that I am writing this! Now! Right after I have just heard that some colleagues have unfortunately lost their jobs, including my once mentor, Matt B, because though it might be in poor taste to find joy while others see turmoil, my surroundings are different than they have been for almost two years. I have a desk that isn’t cluttered. I have space that isn’t constantly being invaded or at risk of invasion. And maybe most of all, I feel excited to be at work on something. I am almost done setting up my workspace, and once I have the whiteboard up, it is TODO list time. I have fresh ideas for projects, renewed interest in old and ongoing ones, and ease of mind to organize my thoughts on all of it. I can’t say if that state of mind will persist, but I am hopeful that it will.

So, I have a few things I want to write about, but some might serve better as their own posts, so as not to muddy the waters. I will keep this one to general impressions on my life since my last post, which was almost a year ago.

So, as I said before, I have been submitting a story, Every Circle a Point, and Every Point a Circle to a few online magazines for SF short stories. All rejections so far, but some personalized feedback that has been encouraging. I also find myself itching for a chance to write more stories, to try out new approaches just for the sake of getting something published. Having an achievable goal in mind is probably the sole cause of my renewed energy for writing. I think without much to go for, writing a novel seems hopeless. But as long as I am sketching, studying, and applying myself for something of a test, it seems doable. Maybe I am too institutionalized by a decade and a half of the American school system, but if thats what it takes, then I will lean into it as much as possible. I hate that I’m going to call it “gamification” but I think that is it, the psychology of video games certainly has a lot in common with the psychology of getting creative work——hard work——done. It makes sense why, when they both battle with the easier thing to do being to just lay on the couch and watch tv. I also submitted a short (300 words) piece to the Drift on nothing more than a whim. The story came to me, suddenly, as the opening to a story idea I have been toying with for some time, and when I had written that short, single page, it just felt perfect. Or near enough. The response I got from the Drift was far better than I expected.I’ve been using the Submission Grinder to track my submissions, and according to them, only 15% of submissions to the Drift get personalized feedback, let alone an acceptance. But I got it! Well not it, but personalized feedback on my rejection. They said there was “much to admire” about my work, which was honestly better than I expected! As far as the Circle story goes, I also got personalized feedback from Beneath Ceaseless Skies for that one

This was a very fascinating look at Buddhist philosophy and principles applied in a very sleek way. I’m afraid I found the ending a bit too jarring, as I didn’t really get a sense that Mal and Tenil’s plan to break the eggs were going to result in such a tragic end for Arc Rhea. I also had trouble following some of the visions Mal saw during the gem retrieval so their impact didn’t quite resonate with me as much as I needed them too. Which, again, I think there is something to build on from this, and reading it all I could think of was what story ideas I have that they would publish, given what perception on their style I’m getting from their comments. I also submitted to that Mag before having the chance to read any of their issues, so I will be sure to realign based on the stories they do publish if I try again there with something else.

As for the move, I’m in North Carolina! Right on the beach. Dylan and I are staying at her dad’s vacation home, which is nice enough though it isn’t really built to be lived in as much as we will be doing, but I’m not complaining. Having a bedroom with closets and a two sink bathroom which together match the square footage of our entire two bedroom in Greenpoint is… well not shocking, but certainly appreciated. I didn’t realize just how much I had been letting the compact way of living in New York affect my way of life because I naturally need lots of room to spread out——projecting the inside of my brain outward into the space I occupy——in order to get anything useful done. We likely won’t stay long, and I dread having to haul boxes up and down stairs again so soon, but wherever we end up, I know now to prioritize the space I need to be me.

We are also going to Japan, a last minute arrangement, but a welcome one. It has made me retrospective, in the last week or so, to think back on what has happened since the last time I was there, worrying if it will live up to the same experience, and anticipation about what Dylan will think of it there. One of my todo list items will definitely be to freshen up on my Japanese, maybe do some conversation practice over discord.

There was a time I’d write 1000 words of negativity if I came here and saw that my last entry was 11 months ago, and I don’t feel any of that right now. Quite the opposite! I’ll try to come back after Matt’s bachelor party to talk specifically about DnD. But for now, So long New York!